Middle Way Management and the Self

Recognizing Our Fears and Limitations
Psychotherapy has much to offer Middle Way Management™, particularly with regard to our sense of Self and our ego natures, and how both of these inform our interactions with others.

We are told by psychologists that our sense of self begins to evolve early in our lives - very early. As we come to recognize that we are separate from our mothers and then our fathers, we develop multiple fears that affect how we define ourselves over the course of our lifetimes. This can be a good thing or a not-so-good thing. As we strive in later life to increase our awareness and compassionate practice, we ultimately arrive at a place where we must bravely face our fears head-on and recognize and acknowledge our limitations.

Some people never arrive at this place of increased awareness. These are the managers with which we are all too familiar: The controlling, perpetually nervous, often angry, somewhat sociopathic supervisors who largely determine our success or failure in an organization. In these cases, little introspection has been exercised and reaction has become the modus operandi. Exuberant reactivity is the result of a self-definition that values difference so that every situation is a competition, rather than an opportunity for collaboration. The best examples of this are managers who model their operational wisdom on ideas from books such as The Art of War or The Prince, rather than the I Ching or The Bible.

The Ego and Self-definition
The ego as I discuss it here is interested in one thing: survival. Given the fact that American-style managers have been raised in a predominantly egoistic social milieu, it is not surprising that the metaphors used in an organizational management context usually involve competitive, or even war-like, language. Listen to the words a manager uses; they are the true indicators of the management approach. Words are powerful things; they not only reflect our thoughts, they become our actions and behaviors. As members of an egoistic society, it is extremely difficult to break out of such behavioral patterns because they have become comfortable and assuage the constant, underlying (i.e., unconscious) fears we all harbor deep in our hearts.

As a typical American-style manager transcends fear through consciously mindful awareness, his metaphors begin to morph into something less brutal. This often results in both the manager and the organization coming to the realization that the mutual fit once so convenient to all parties no longer applies. In this case, the manager will either self-select for exit or be aggressively separated by the organization. Either way, this gets at self-definition and how important it is that we not only define ourselves in ways appropriate to our intended goals and objectives, but that these goals and objectives mesh with those of the organization.

I've been "aggressively separated" (yes, fired) from an organization for "practicing servant leadership without a license" because I did not understand that my chosen management style and personal path were at odds with the organizational assumptions and perceptions of what it takes to effectively lead and manage people. Had I understood this sooner, I would have left on my own. Isn't the 20/20 vision of hindsight grand?

Decisions to Make
As you develop your Middle Way Management practice, you must be keenly aware of what such a commitment entails. Middle Way Managers are compassionate and empathetic, while, at the same time, holding people accountable for their words and actions. If you are entering an organization as a new managerial member, ensure the organization will support your philosophy before you take up residence. Likewise, if you decide to shift to a mindful awareness and embrace Middle Way Management in a context in which your prior words and actions may not have been so compassionate and empathetic, be prepared for resistance and possible fallout from your decision.

In the end, it's about whom you decide you are. What's your definition of your Self? Are you ready to create ripples of positive energy that extend beyond your organization and into the lives of those you manage? Are you prepared for how your friends and loved ones will react to your new comportment? Be aware that those already familiar with your "style" will not come around to your new way of thinking, speaking, and acting immediately; they will continue to interact and react with you as if you are still your un-conscious, and not-so-compassionate, self. This is truly an opportunity for you to practice the patience and kindness I talked about in my first post here.

And how does one really go about doing all of this? Well, that's the topic of my next post, of course. Stay tuned - you'll like what I have to say.

Onward! Darin

Copyright © 2009, Darin R. Molnar, PhD. All rights reserved.