Middle Way Management and the Difficult Team Member

As you can imagine, this post will be similar to my last post in which I discussed how to manage up using the Middle Way Management™ attributes of understanding, compassion, empathy, and sympathy. Dealing with a difficult team member requires many of the same behaviors, along with a healthy dose of patience.

The Suffering Team Member
Over the years, I’ve worked with just about every personality type imaginable. Some of them have been difficult, most have not. Admittedly, I’ve even been the difficult one at times. Regardless of the situation, you can be sure the difficult person is suffering. And what is your primary Middle Way Management goal? That’s right, the relief of suffering (you’re starting to get it!), so consider the difficult team member a golden opportunity to walk the Middle Way Management talk.

As I think about the difficult people I’ve worked with (myself included), in every example I come back to a bruised ego. Since ego issues are based upon emotionalized perceptions, accurate or not, much of the relief of suffering is easily accomplished through clear managerial communication. Nothing creates disenchantment quicker than a lack of communication. In the absence of clear, respectful communication, people simply concoct the stories they feel they need to perpetually construct their own perceived value. And isn’t a majority of ego injury caused by the emotions created from a perceived lack of appreciation?

The Relief of Suffering
I wish I could say that I have specific answers as to why everyone suffers. I don't. Since our workplace interactions with difficult people are on a professional level, we only have insight into their behaviors, which are surface level indicators of deeper issues. As a difficult person's language and task quality reveals their suffering, it is your duty as a Middle Way Manager™ to relieve it.

How you go about relieving the suffering of the difficult team member is entirely up to you. Several factors come into play. How well do you know the person? Is it appropriate to delve too deeply to get at root causes? Will the person even accept your help? Regardless, as a Middle Way Manager in an organization, you can typically rely on organizational resources to help you address the team member's suffering. Sometimes, all a suffering person wants is to be heard - by anyone. This is why a suffering organizational member will often choose to voice their suffering to anyone and everyone, which is not good for them, the receiving parties, or the organization.

As a Middle Way Manager, it is your duty to recognize and then empathize with your suffering team member. Once you observe the behavior clues of suffering, you must move forward with compassion, empathy, sympathy, and understanding. Reacting with like behavior is not the way of the Middle Way Manager. Putting yourself in the position of the suffering person is the proper response, one that can work to reframe your relationship with the team member and the team member's relationship with the organization.

In the end, it's all about compassion and empathy, understanding and sympathy. A patient, kind response to the suffering team member is the only way to practice Middle Way Management and the best way to relieve their suffering; it's good for them, it's good for you, and it's good for the organization.

In my next post, I will discuss Middle Way Management and linear thinking.

Until then...

Onward! Darin

Copyright © 2009, Darin R. Molnar, PhD. All rights reserved.