Middle Way Management and Boundaries

In my last post, I discussed the role humility plays in a Middle Way Manager's™ daily practice. Humility is a necessary part of Middle Way Management™  because it removes many ego drives and allows a Middle Way Manager to approach those he manages with grace and respect. In this post, I discuss how boundaries can help a Middle Way Manager maintain a vibrant, healthy workplace environment.

Whenever I bring up the topic of boundaries, a negative connotation threatens the model. Boundaries are not negative. In fact, they are a very positive thing for both the person setting them and for those on the receiving end. Boundaries show respect in two ways: to yourself and to those around you. Setting boundaries is a clear form of communication, one that establishes expectations and provides a framework for gentle accountability, a hallmark of the Middle Way Manager.

Autocompassion

A topic that I have not touched upon on in this blog is self-compassion. Many of us spend a considerable amount of time practicing patience and kindness, ensuring we do not pass unfair judgment on others, yet we are relentless critics of our own behaviors. I am surely my own harshest critic. I do not afford myself the forgiveness I offer to others nor do I always take the time out of my busy day to think deeply about my actions and motivations. Clearly, I have yet to fulfill on the Middle Way Management idea that we must set boundaries with ourselves first.

How do we set boundaries for ourselves first? We set our own boundaries by practicing self-compassion and recognizing when we might violate our personal standards of integrity. An example self-boundary might be telling the truth in all situations, even when it is hard. Such a boundary can be difficult to maintain, especially if you are someone who wants “everything to be okay.” Trying to not cause harm to anyone by equivocating (or outright lying) ends up harming everyone involved in the interaction – you and the persons with whom you are involved. For instance, telling an executive manager that a team is making good progress when it is not with the intent of shielding the team from potential managerial chaos is a lie (no matter how small) that will catch up with you and your team. In such a case, you have put the organization, your manager, your team, and yourself at risk of failure.

Respectful Fences

Another boundary in the workplace that is often crossed results in overcommitment, leading to task or job failure. Of course, a manager can do the same thing by overpromising on behalf of the team. In the case of a team member, a manager might ask him/her to take on an unforeseen task when the team member is already overburdened with other work. Rather than respectfully declining the request in the interest of not putting everyone involved at risk of failure, we will often accept such requests with the full intent of fulfilling on our promises. Usually, the result is a plunge from hero to zero, which serves no one involved. Setting a clear boundary in this case is a compassionate way to avoid potential failure by allowing the requesting manager to seek help where resources might be more plentiful or appropriate to the task. It also preserves a healthy self-compassion and self-respect.

Until recently, I was one of those people who would over-promise and then either harm myself by working too much, too hard, and on the wrong things to fulfill on my commitment or simply fail at the job. By honestly and forthrightly saying “no” when appropriate, I am showing both myself and the person requesting my help a higher level of respect. Of course, my previous interpretation was that saying “yes” to everything asked of me shows a healthy measure of respect when, in fact, it does not – it only puts myself, the person requesting my help, my team and my organization at risk, which is where none of us wish to find ourselves. Saying “no” in love and compassion sets boundaries that are well-defined and results in success for everyone involved. Try it today – you will be amazed at the results.

Onward! Darin

Copyright © 2009-2012, Darin R. Molnar, PhD. All rights reserved.